“If we can share our story with someone who responds with empathy and understanding, shame can’t survive.” (Brené Brown, Daring Greatly)
The first step in the process of escaping from shame is to realize that we have a choice. Hearing the Voice of Shame is not the same as believing it or acting upon it. Start to question that Voice. Is it really true, what it says? Judging and blaming ourselves has become a habit, but habits can be observed and unlearnt. Another part of us is free and always has been.
By strengthening the part of us which can make some distance from the Voice of Shame at the same time as holding it with compassion, we start to let go of the shameful part. Simply realizing that you no longer have to be stuck in shame is an excellent place to begin.
Another vital step is to speak your shame. Sharing in a safely held group what is not normally shared, and being heard with acceptance and understanding, helps to counteract all the internalised judging messages we have been giving ourselves. As with any fear-based projections, the reality is never as bad as our imagination!
Since shame and guilt are emotions based on misguided (judgmental) thoughts or beliefs, it’s not surprising that effectively healing shame also involves paying attention to the nature of those beliefs, especially when they are strongly held over a long period of time. Beliefs of inadequacy are especially closely linked with shame. This is why I recommend a process of transforming our core beliefs as part of the de-shaming process. Something has to replace the old beliefs or else there will be a vacuum in which they can re-appear, ghost-like. Here is a our chance to create a new story based around our joy in life instead of our fears from the past.
“When you are unconscious and ashamed, shame makes a lot of your choices for you and takes up a lot of your energy. When you release shame and become more conscious, you become aware of how much choice you really have”. (The Michael entity, channelled by Shepherd Hoodwin).
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